Guess what? It's a proven, scientific fact. No more disputing it, no more telling people to "get serious" or "grow up" or whatever catch phrase miserable people decide to toss out like free candy at the St. Patrick's Day Parade...
It's true: Adults need play
And I'm not talking about playing video games, or lame office games to "build teamwork". I'm talking about pure, pointless, unadulterated silliness. Few rules, no expectations, and lots of running in circles. Remember the day when you could make a game out of the twig you found in the street? And the game would go on for hours! It is scientifically proven that adults need to spend time just being completely off-the-wall and playing like our kids do. It releases important chemicals into our brains that contribute to creativity, focus, happiness, problem-solving, analysis... you name it!
Have a huge important problem to solve? GO PLAY!
Need a new idea for your business expansion? GO PLAY!
Are the numbers on your data sheets starting to run together? GO PLAY!
I'd like to take this moment to thank Southwest Airlines for their interesting and informative reading material that I had no choice to read because there's nothing else interesting to do on an airplane, without which this post would not be possible.
So.... if play is so important for adults, why don't we have more spaces in which to do this? No, okay, well we have gyms, the outdoors with mountains to climb and rocks to scale, basketball teams, video games, art classes, etc. But these activities at the very least have rules, and at the very most have purposes. Can you think of even one game in the adult arena that is fun, pointless, ruleless, expectation-less, and allows you to joyfully run in circles? Sorry, Dave n Busters doesn't count cuz you get kicked out for running...
Well, I'm going to change this. You know how? I'm going to build a super adult mega-gym. That's right, you heard it. And it's not going to have a basketball court, or workout equipment, or classrooms.
It's going to be ONE HUGE ADULT-SIZED MCDONALD'S PLAYPLACE.
But that's not all! It's also going to have a huge open area, a box of balls, and a box of twigs. No rules except the ones you make up on your own - plenty of room to run in circles and throw balls at each other! (I'm sure many of you are familiar with that scenario, hehe). Ropes hanging from the ceiling, swings, jump ropes, and a huge plastic, rubber, and foam climbing area with ball pits to fall into, moving structures to fall off of, and nets to get stuck in.
Oh, and I'm going to call it "Go Play With Yourself".
Monday, April 30, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Unsolicited Advice From Someone Who Hates Unsolicited Advice
Gah!! I'm sorry, little blog, you have been neglected! It wasn't on purpose, I swear - I have NOT been writing with another blog; you are the only one for me...
So, thanks to a rather insightful conversation with my Dad tonight, I have another topic to blog about! This one means a lot to me because, like many others (including my Dad), I find myself always on the journey to self-improvement. And I find that along the way, there are many people that like to "help" me with that self-improvement with unsolicited advice or commentary... we all know who these people are, everyone has one or two of them. If your boss isn't one of them, you're in damn good shape!
In addition to the mostly-well-meaning-but-more-likely-experiencing-gross-dissatisfaction-in-their-daily-lives folks that add to that commentary, I'm also known to seek out my own self-improvement through books, movies, online google searches (hehe), and asking others for help and advice (please note the ASKING in that sentence. Very important).
I've found that there is a common thread amongst self-improvement enthusiasts. No matter what their overall theory or tactics to becoming a better "you", there are always two basic strategies to improve yourself:
1) Identify and maximize your strengths
2) Identify and minimize your weaknesses
So, take the positive and make it better, take the negative and get rid of it. Here's the problem I have with those two strategies: nobody is perfect, so those weaknesses never go away. Therefore, you're always stuck with some icky, horrible, undesirable part of you that you can't get rid of no matter what you do, and it will always irritate you. Here's what I say to that:
FUCK WEAKNESSES
I don't believe in weaknesses. I don't believe they exist.
There is some logic to this. A very wise woman once told me that strengths and weaknesses are like a coin - they always go hand-in-hand. If your weakness is that you are often overbearing (heads), the flip-side strength is that you are able to be assertive when the situation requires it (tails). So if you try to be less overbearing, you will ultimately be less assertive as well.
So why do we even mess with this myth of "weaknesses"?
I have a better idea. Let's change the two basic strategies to this:
1) Identify and maximize your strengths
2) Refine your strengths
Doesn't that seem much more manageable? Rather than trying to separate the strengths and weaknesses coin, which is impossible and ineffective, let's forget weaknesses altogether and simply recognize that our strengths are strengths either way you toss the coin, they just need refining: capitalizing on the assertiveness when needed and knowing when to set that approach at bay for a few minutes. Knowing when your boisterous sense of humor lights up a darker world for everyone around you, and knowing when to adjust it for a lighter atmosphere.
Now rather than a coin, you have a rock. A rock that is your strength, and just needs a little chipping here, a little smoothing there to become a full and complete you. And you can embrace all of you now because your focus is always on what makes you the best you, rather than taking on this incredible task of getting rid of weaknesses that will never go away, and if they did, would likely take your strengths with them.
I think everyone can agree that any "weakness" can be a strength in another situation, or a strength can be adjusted and channeled to fit almost any situation (maybe when we think being passive is the best approach, it's better to be quietly assertive). So focus on that, and put yourself in careers, family situations, and social situations where you can operate almost entirely from within your strengths, and be wary of the moments when you need to "chip a little here, smooth a little there" to adjust to the situation at hand.
At the end of the day, we are who we are, and I think "minimizing" or "getting rid of" any part of us is going to also "minimize" who we are as individuals. And we are all amazingly, incredibly, beautifully different.
Except for you. And you. And you and you. You have weaknesses; things you really suck at. So, uh, you know, maybe do something about that.
;)
So, thanks to a rather insightful conversation with my Dad tonight, I have another topic to blog about! This one means a lot to me because, like many others (including my Dad), I find myself always on the journey to self-improvement. And I find that along the way, there are many people that like to "help" me with that self-improvement with unsolicited advice or commentary... we all know who these people are, everyone has one or two of them. If your boss isn't one of them, you're in damn good shape!
In addition to the mostly-well-meaning-but-more-likely-experiencing-gross-dissatisfaction-in-their-daily-lives folks that add to that commentary, I'm also known to seek out my own self-improvement through books, movies, online google searches (hehe), and asking others for help and advice (please note the ASKING in that sentence. Very important).
I've found that there is a common thread amongst self-improvement enthusiasts. No matter what their overall theory or tactics to becoming a better "you", there are always two basic strategies to improve yourself:
1) Identify and maximize your strengths
2) Identify and minimize your weaknesses
So, take the positive and make it better, take the negative and get rid of it. Here's the problem I have with those two strategies: nobody is perfect, so those weaknesses never go away. Therefore, you're always stuck with some icky, horrible, undesirable part of you that you can't get rid of no matter what you do, and it will always irritate you. Here's what I say to that:
FUCK WEAKNESSES
I don't believe in weaknesses. I don't believe they exist.
There is some logic to this. A very wise woman once told me that strengths and weaknesses are like a coin - they always go hand-in-hand. If your weakness is that you are often overbearing (heads), the flip-side strength is that you are able to be assertive when the situation requires it (tails). So if you try to be less overbearing, you will ultimately be less assertive as well.
So why do we even mess with this myth of "weaknesses"?
I have a better idea. Let's change the two basic strategies to this:
1) Identify and maximize your strengths
2) Refine your strengths
Doesn't that seem much more manageable? Rather than trying to separate the strengths and weaknesses coin, which is impossible and ineffective, let's forget weaknesses altogether and simply recognize that our strengths are strengths either way you toss the coin, they just need refining: capitalizing on the assertiveness when needed and knowing when to set that approach at bay for a few minutes. Knowing when your boisterous sense of humor lights up a darker world for everyone around you, and knowing when to adjust it for a lighter atmosphere.
Now rather than a coin, you have a rock. A rock that is your strength, and just needs a little chipping here, a little smoothing there to become a full and complete you. And you can embrace all of you now because your focus is always on what makes you the best you, rather than taking on this incredible task of getting rid of weaknesses that will never go away, and if they did, would likely take your strengths with them.
I think everyone can agree that any "weakness" can be a strength in another situation, or a strength can be adjusted and channeled to fit almost any situation (maybe when we think being passive is the best approach, it's better to be quietly assertive). So focus on that, and put yourself in careers, family situations, and social situations where you can operate almost entirely from within your strengths, and be wary of the moments when you need to "chip a little here, smooth a little there" to adjust to the situation at hand.
At the end of the day, we are who we are, and I think "minimizing" or "getting rid of" any part of us is going to also "minimize" who we are as individuals. And we are all amazingly, incredibly, beautifully different.
Except for you. And you. And you and you. You have weaknesses; things you really suck at. So, uh, you know, maybe do something about that.
;)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Picture Them Naked
That’s it. Just do
that and your nerves will be settled, those butterflies in your stomach will go
away, and you won’t break a leg!
Have you ever received this advice before? It’s usually given by a well-meaning person
trying to aid a friend with a debilitating loathing for public speaking. Picture everyone in the audience naked; you
won’t feel silly or embarrassed or out of place because, well, now you’re
the only one with clothes on!
Ummmmm… have any of you ever actually TRIED this? Don’t get me wrong, the premise and
justification seem sound, but in practice… well, let’s just say that instead of sighing
a breath of relief, I find myself kinda grossed out. Maybe I’m being too literal, but when I
try this technique, I picture a huge room full of weird, sweaty, hairy men and
women with oddly-shaped body parts, many of whom may not have even showered
that morning, or have chunks of deodorant in their armpits, or, heaven forbid,
just came from a date with a tub of Vaseline…
Now, luckily for me, I don’t have much of a fear of public
speaking. Do I get nervous before a
speech or presentation? Yeah, sure, but
it’s more of an exciting anticipation of what will happen than a fear of
looking stupid. However, as you may have
gleaned from my earlier posts, I do have a fear of another situation that paralyzes
me similarly to a socially anxious introvert facing a throng of psychological
critics: interpersonal conflict.
I hate it. I don’t
like people to argue. I drink the “Why
can’t we all just get along?” kool-aid like an inmate who has just discovered
the Bible. When conflict situations come
up on the fly, I can deal with them well enough, but I literally tremble when I
know ahead of time that I’m about to walk into an argument.
So, like so many folks who would rather wallow in the depths
of Guantanamo than deliver a 5-minute speech to a group of critical spectators,
I avoid high-strung conflict (particularly with those who harbor stubborn
opinions) like the plague. And as have
my predecessors, I have made use of popular techniques for downplaying the
stress of such a situation like picturing my combatant naked.
My first attempt at using this technique several years ago
worked so poorly that I couldn’t focus on the conversation [argument] at hand, and
found myself in desperation reverting to tactics from my long-distant
toddlerhood (“I know you are, but what am I?!”).
It wasn’t a shining moment by any stretch of the
imagination. But alas, there is
hope!! I believe I have found a
technique that works so beautifully that I decided to devote an entire 6
paragraphs of build-up in this blog post to give it its proper unveiling!
Don’t picture them NAKED
Picture them MUPPET
If you don’t know what a Muppet is, stop reading right now,
run to your nearest Blockbuster Video, and pick up a copy of the latest Muppet
Movie which, by the way, is amazing. And
then bang your head against a wall for a few hours for having lived in a hole
for the past 20 years…
You heard me right: picture them as Muppets.
There is one undeniable truth that will live forever in the case of
Muppets: You can't take them seriously.
Now, I wouldn’t suggest outwardly laughing at your audience
or argumentative adversary once you’ve implemented this technique, but I’ll tell you this. If you read my earlier post about my little
crying incident, you should know that I had to finish that conversation
a week later, and boy was I nervous. But
I speak from personal experience: if you inflate the size of your opposition
’s head, eyes, nose, and ears, add some crazy spikes and tangles to the hair, and
then convert it all to fuzzy cloth…. HAhaHAhAhAHA!!! Sorry, Mr. President, no talk of Swat Teams or nuclear bombs soaring towards my home office can intimidate me now!
Trust me. Do it. Go the extra mile and draw it out on a piece
of paper if you can. And then tell me
how right I am.
(I’d also like to point out that Muppets are made of cloth
and thus can’t be sweaty, dirty, covered in any bodily fluids, or presenting any
oddly-shaped ‘parts’. I win.)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
What?! My Bro Isn't a Big Nerd?!
Ok, so as some of you know, I've been doing a little perusing into the music industry lately. A little flit here, a flit there, to see if there's a place for me in that world that I've long been neglecting.
Music has been an amazing part of my world for a very long time, but I've always tended towards the "classical" side with musicals, classical music, choirs etc. (perhaps because it was easier?). I've always been insecure about the world of popular music/modern music. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I decided I'M DONE!!! No more insecurity, no more avoiding a dream that could potentially be really cool, even as just a side project.
So I started digging.
I was lucky enough to make contact with a Denver-ite that is integrated in the music industry, and he's been helping me get my feet wet, and get a better understanding of how things work (and how to avoid the all-too-common and unavoidable "egos" that prevail).
I'm getting so excited to enter a new world that I've feared for so long!!
Ummmmm... wait, what does this have to do with my brother? And him not being a nerd? Oh yeah... Ok, ok, heaven forbid I talk about myself for a few minutes. That's right, Big Brother, LITTLE JANIE GETS SOME ATTENTION SOMETIMES TOO!
So in my discussions with my new "agent-de-discovery" as we'll call him (ADD for short. Heehee), I remembered that my older brother, Grant, writes music reviews "on occasion". When he lived in Colorado he had a few mags or websites or something pay for him to attend concerts and write reviews. Seemed like a cute little gig. And he has his own record label too, I think?
So I'm thinking, ok, I should check out his blog and see what it's all about, maybe he can help me learn more about this "world": gumshoegrove.com
After poking around his "little" blog for a few minutes, I was astounded, and maybe just a little bit belittled by my own lack of knowledge regarding my own flesh and blood: "Grant, WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME YOUR WERE SO COOL?!?!". Not only is he an amazing writer, but he has well-known magazines and websites knocking on his door for his expert analysis and no-nonsense-foot-in-the-ass-of-"the-man" writing style (don't correct my punctuation, weirdos, this is a blog, not a dictionary).
And it gets better. Then I found this:
http://www.tinymixtapes.com/news/reporter-wined-and-dined-feels-refined-still-many-things-about-day-linger-gumshoes-mi
Look, I'm down with the anti-big corporation feel, I like to support local businesses and not give TOO much credit to the guys that make it big, but that doesn't change the fact that you have to pretty friggin AWESOME to have Microsoft soliciting your aid (and paying for nice cars, expensive hotel rooms, and wraps...mmmmmm....) in the creation of a "ground-breaking" product.
So, Grantie-poo, hats-off to you. And shame on me for not seeing the revolutionary talent that others so clearly admire. You have inspired me, and now I'm going to be plaguing you with annoying phone calls reminiscent of the all-too-familiar Saturday morning cartoons of yore ("What's happening now? What did he say? Why is he running off a cliff? What just happened? What's so funny?"). And just like the old days, if you brush me off with "Cut it out, I'm trying to watch TV!", the questioning will ONLY GET LOUDER.
In the meantime, I'm going next door to get a wrap.
Music has been an amazing part of my world for a very long time, but I've always tended towards the "classical" side with musicals, classical music, choirs etc. (perhaps because it was easier?). I've always been insecure about the world of popular music/modern music. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I decided I'M DONE!!! No more insecurity, no more avoiding a dream that could potentially be really cool, even as just a side project.
So I started digging.
I was lucky enough to make contact with a Denver-ite that is integrated in the music industry, and he's been helping me get my feet wet, and get a better understanding of how things work (and how to avoid the all-too-common and unavoidable "egos" that prevail).
I'm getting so excited to enter a new world that I've feared for so long!!
Ummmmm... wait, what does this have to do with my brother? And him not being a nerd? Oh yeah... Ok, ok, heaven forbid I talk about myself for a few minutes. That's right, Big Brother, LITTLE JANIE GETS SOME ATTENTION SOMETIMES TOO!
So in my discussions with my new "agent-de-discovery" as we'll call him (ADD for short. Heehee), I remembered that my older brother, Grant, writes music reviews "on occasion". When he lived in Colorado he had a few mags or websites or something pay for him to attend concerts and write reviews. Seemed like a cute little gig. And he has his own record label too, I think?
So I'm thinking, ok, I should check out his blog and see what it's all about, maybe he can help me learn more about this "world": gumshoegrove.com
After poking around his "little" blog for a few minutes, I was astounded, and maybe just a little bit belittled by my own lack of knowledge regarding my own flesh and blood: "Grant, WHY DIDN"T YOU TELL ME YOUR WERE SO COOL?!?!". Not only is he an amazing writer, but he has well-known magazines and websites knocking on his door for his expert analysis and no-nonsense-foot-in-the-ass-of-"the-man" writing style (don't correct my punctuation, weirdos, this is a blog, not a dictionary).
And it gets better. Then I found this:
http://www.tinymixtapes.com/news/reporter-wined-and-dined-feels-refined-still-many-things-about-day-linger-gumshoes-mi
Look, I'm down with the anti-big corporation feel, I like to support local businesses and not give TOO much credit to the guys that make it big, but that doesn't change the fact that you have to pretty friggin AWESOME to have Microsoft soliciting your aid (and paying for nice cars, expensive hotel rooms, and wraps...mmmmmm....) in the creation of a "ground-breaking" product.
So, Grantie-poo, hats-off to you. And shame on me for not seeing the revolutionary talent that others so clearly admire. You have inspired me, and now I'm going to be plaguing you with annoying phone calls reminiscent of the all-too-familiar Saturday morning cartoons of yore ("What's happening now? What did he say? Why is he running off a cliff? What just happened? What's so funny?"). And just like the old days, if you brush me off with "Cut it out, I'm trying to watch TV!", the questioning will ONLY GET LOUDER.
In the meantime, I'm going next door to get a wrap.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Eureka!!
YES, I FIGURED IT OUT!! Twiddle-dee-dee, Twiddle-dee-da! No, it's not something incredibly revolutionary really, unless you're...well, me. You're all about think I'm a huge dork, because after you see what I figured out you're going to think, "Ummmmmm.... Great insight, but 'eureka' moments usually involve the invention of electricity or the Kama Sutra or something...". Well, TOO BAD!! I hooked you with my last post so now you're going to read it whether you like it or not - mwah hahahaha!!!
Anyways...
Since my little "incident" earlier this week (ahem, we'll just call it a little "snafu" in the work/love-of-life continuum), I've had a problem I've been trying to work out. Actually, I've been trying to work this out since January when the pressure at work started to build, and I was desperately trying to recover from some major burnout (ok, Jane, we get it, you have a problem, not get to the point! lol). Why has it been so difficult for me to focus on work the past three months?
Last year I spent all my time and energy (yes, even during non-work hours) pouring myself into how I can increase my sales opportunities, move my customers into the next stage of the sales process, get distributors to increase their sales activities with my product... I tend to be a rather strategic thinker, and I love coming up with new ideas (ya think?) and plans that I can put into action to solve a problem or elevate a situation. It's what I do naturally, and generally has served me well, particularly in a sales role.
Well, the past few months I haven't been doing that. I haven't been terribly inspired, I haven't really enjoyed work, and I've been trying to find a new career path that would be more enjoyable than the one I'm in. I keep asking myself: "If I like all this strategy and ideation stuff, why don't I just apply it to work while I'm in the process of working out how that translates into a life-long career? Why was I able to do this before, and now, because of a little burnout, I don't have any interest in it?".
I'm actually in the process of working with a Career Coach to try to answer some of my future career questions, ones that will likely not be fully realized for years, but that will enable me to better cope with and understand the work life I have right now. I'm not sure, but at some point while reading through the results of a strengths assessment, I had a Eureka moment about this problem! No, I didn't actually stand up and yell "Eureka" (though I was tempted). My husband knows I'm a little weird, but I try not to act like a COMPLETE nutbag (when possible...).
I finally understood why I'm so uninspired, so bored, so uninterested, and so detached from what I'm doing right now: I've reallocated my resources. Think about it this way: if we're living in a time of peace, we are using our talents and skills to improve and benefit the lives or ourselves and others. But, say, a civil war breaks out in Florida. All possible soldiers, food, weapons and other resources will suddenly be collected to be distributed in Florida to support the battle. And until that battle is resolved, the resources used for improving the lives of ourselves and others will be minimal.
Well, in January this year pressure, stress, and conflict was introduced into my life between me and my boss/superiors. What I'd done previously wasn't good enough, and suddenly we were all under scrutiny to see if we're really doing everything in our power to meet our goals. In other words, suddenly a battle broke out. See, I don't like conflict. So when that happened, I suddenly reallocated my resources to try to bring peace once again to the relationship between me and my superiors - one which was previously a supportive, functional one. This still supported my daily work in some ways because closing deals was the end-all goal for all of us, but the charisma, the flow, the natural inspiration of my daily work was stunted by the energy required for this battle. So, in short, rather than using strategy, planning and ideation to improve my territory over the past three months, I've been using those skills to try to bring peace to my disrupted work relationships. And my work has suffered from the lack of attention.
Now, this brings me to two conclusions:
1) I need to be brutally self-aware that I do this. Peaceful relationships are extremely important to me, but they are not always possible. Sometimes it's appropriate for relationships to be on the rocks while another objective is being achieved. I need to learn to resist the urge to reallocate my resources to fight a battle that may not be necessary, and may resolve itself in time.
2) Management, particularly my management, is completely unaware that it is human nature to do this. It has not occurred to them that they are actually severely decreasing the productivity of their workers by putting stress and frustration in our laps.
I would say this could be something that is unique to me alone, but the frustration is shared with all of my co-workers, so I think it's safe to say that this is further proof that positive motivation almost always prevails over negative motivation.
Why? Because we naturally gravitate towards eliminating the negative in our lives (I think it's safe to say this is a survival technique). So when the "boss" throws something negative at us - bam, we send the troops in to fight it; and we don't bring them back to accomplish the original mission until the immediate threat is resolved.
Conclusion? Don't toss snafus into the work/love-of-life continuum. And try to use the word 'snafu' a little more often. It makes me giggle.
Anyways...
Since my little "incident" earlier this week (ahem, we'll just call it a little "snafu" in the work/love-of-life continuum), I've had a problem I've been trying to work out. Actually, I've been trying to work this out since January when the pressure at work started to build, and I was desperately trying to recover from some major burnout (ok, Jane, we get it, you have a problem, not get to the point! lol). Why has it been so difficult for me to focus on work the past three months?
Last year I spent all my time and energy (yes, even during non-work hours) pouring myself into how I can increase my sales opportunities, move my customers into the next stage of the sales process, get distributors to increase their sales activities with my product... I tend to be a rather strategic thinker, and I love coming up with new ideas (ya think?) and plans that I can put into action to solve a problem or elevate a situation. It's what I do naturally, and generally has served me well, particularly in a sales role.
Well, the past few months I haven't been doing that. I haven't been terribly inspired, I haven't really enjoyed work, and I've been trying to find a new career path that would be more enjoyable than the one I'm in. I keep asking myself: "If I like all this strategy and ideation stuff, why don't I just apply it to work while I'm in the process of working out how that translates into a life-long career? Why was I able to do this before, and now, because of a little burnout, I don't have any interest in it?".
I'm actually in the process of working with a Career Coach to try to answer some of my future career questions, ones that will likely not be fully realized for years, but that will enable me to better cope with and understand the work life I have right now. I'm not sure, but at some point while reading through the results of a strengths assessment, I had a Eureka moment about this problem! No, I didn't actually stand up and yell "Eureka" (though I was tempted). My husband knows I'm a little weird, but I try not to act like a COMPLETE nutbag (when possible...).
I finally understood why I'm so uninspired, so bored, so uninterested, and so detached from what I'm doing right now: I've reallocated my resources. Think about it this way: if we're living in a time of peace, we are using our talents and skills to improve and benefit the lives or ourselves and others. But, say, a civil war breaks out in Florida. All possible soldiers, food, weapons and other resources will suddenly be collected to be distributed in Florida to support the battle. And until that battle is resolved, the resources used for improving the lives of ourselves and others will be minimal.
Well, in January this year pressure, stress, and conflict was introduced into my life between me and my boss/superiors. What I'd done previously wasn't good enough, and suddenly we were all under scrutiny to see if we're really doing everything in our power to meet our goals. In other words, suddenly a battle broke out. See, I don't like conflict. So when that happened, I suddenly reallocated my resources to try to bring peace once again to the relationship between me and my superiors - one which was previously a supportive, functional one. This still supported my daily work in some ways because closing deals was the end-all goal for all of us, but the charisma, the flow, the natural inspiration of my daily work was stunted by the energy required for this battle. So, in short, rather than using strategy, planning and ideation to improve my territory over the past three months, I've been using those skills to try to bring peace to my disrupted work relationships. And my work has suffered from the lack of attention.
Now, this brings me to two conclusions:
1) I need to be brutally self-aware that I do this. Peaceful relationships are extremely important to me, but they are not always possible. Sometimes it's appropriate for relationships to be on the rocks while another objective is being achieved. I need to learn to resist the urge to reallocate my resources to fight a battle that may not be necessary, and may resolve itself in time.
2) Management, particularly my management, is completely unaware that it is human nature to do this. It has not occurred to them that they are actually severely decreasing the productivity of their workers by putting stress and frustration in our laps.
I would say this could be something that is unique to me alone, but the frustration is shared with all of my co-workers, so I think it's safe to say that this is further proof that positive motivation almost always prevails over negative motivation.
Why? Because we naturally gravitate towards eliminating the negative in our lives (I think it's safe to say this is a survival technique). So when the "boss" throws something negative at us - bam, we send the troops in to fight it; and we don't bring them back to accomplish the original mission until the immediate threat is resolved.
Conclusion? Don't toss snafus into the work/love-of-life continuum. And try to use the word 'snafu' a little more often. It makes me giggle.
Friday, April 6, 2012
To Cry Or Not To Cry
I wish there hadn't been only one answer to this question...
I couldn't sleep tonight. Not until I wrote this blog post. I'm starting to think this writing thing might become an addiction... lol.
I had a very interesting experience this week which I'd like to gain some commentary and insight on. It's based off this question: "Have you ever cried at work before? If you have or haven't (or know someone who has), do you feel it's appropriate?"
I don't know if it's the country we live in, my upbringing, or just some voice in my head that is connected to an incident from my childhood, but I've always been under the impression that it is not ok to cry at work - unless you warn your boss who you're already close to that you're about to dump a personal problem on them. Or unless someone is dead. And you just found out two minutes ago. And they were killed by your best friend.
I hate crying. I avoid it at all costs. I see it as a sign of weakness, and more than disliking being weak, I dislike being seen as weak (even by myself). I know, it's silly, but an important thing to know about me to understand my perspective on this issue.
As you may have guessed, I cried at work this week. Actually, I work from home, but I had a "Quarterly Review" over the phone with my bosses to go over performance and discuss next quarter. Now I knew this wasn't going to go well - my performance last quarter was less-than-stellar, and most of my colleagues fell well short of projected goals as well. I thought I was ready for what would likely be a very difficult call. I wasn't.
Maybe it was the 4-hour drive I had just completed before the call, maybe it was because "that time of the month" had just made it's appearance, maybe it was the intense stress and pressure that my team members and I have been burdened with the past 3 months, or maybe it was conflict in my personal life... I don't know. But when the interrogation began, I turned into what can only be described as a stuttering, apologetic, nervous adolescent. I had planned to give good, solid explanations for my lack of performance and stick to my guns on my work ethic and strategies; instead I shut down.
About a half an hour into this mess of a discussion, one of my bosses asked me "Are you enjoying what you're doing?".
Uhhhhhhhhhhh....at the moment?
And that's when I lost it. And I'm not talking about a tear trickle with a sniffle and a crack in my voice. I'm talking about all-out choking, crocodile tears, can't-finish-a-word bawling. I completely lost it!
It's actually kind of nice to look back on with a little humor now - it was humiliating at the time! I felt like such a child, but now I see it more as a humorous scene from an episode of "The Office". Everyone has their quirks, right? My bosses actually handled it quite well, saying "Don't ever apologize for expressing your emotions; we are human, we have emotions" - a response I was not expecting. I managed to crack out something about personal problems and they suggested I take some time to work it out and we'll have a more productive conversation another time.
But I needed to blog about this because I'm so used to this workplace attitude: "leave your personal problems at home". And I think that's generally a good idea - keep work and personal life separate - but it seems to be almost impossible for me. And though I still harbor some anger towards their methods of attacking my work ethic and dedication, I was pleasantly surprised by their understanding of the fact that I simply needed some time to work through some things before we finished our conversation. Their conclusions didn't seem to be along the lines of "She's just too emotional" or "She really takes things too personally", they seemed to recognize that it was a one-time thing and they just happened to catch me right before the bomb exploded.
So what do you think? Have you ever cried at work, particularly from a rather harsh review from a superior? Do you think it's appropriate, and maybe even inevitable in some cases?
Just be nice if you disagree with me. Clearly, I'm rather sensitive. ;) But only if you criticize my work ethic. Or tell me you don't like me. Or say "Hi" the wrong way.
I couldn't sleep tonight. Not until I wrote this blog post. I'm starting to think this writing thing might become an addiction... lol.
I had a very interesting experience this week which I'd like to gain some commentary and insight on. It's based off this question: "Have you ever cried at work before? If you have or haven't (or know someone who has), do you feel it's appropriate?"
I don't know if it's the country we live in, my upbringing, or just some voice in my head that is connected to an incident from my childhood, but I've always been under the impression that it is not ok to cry at work - unless you warn your boss who you're already close to that you're about to dump a personal problem on them. Or unless someone is dead. And you just found out two minutes ago. And they were killed by your best friend.
I hate crying. I avoid it at all costs. I see it as a sign of weakness, and more than disliking being weak, I dislike being seen as weak (even by myself). I know, it's silly, but an important thing to know about me to understand my perspective on this issue.
As you may have guessed, I cried at work this week. Actually, I work from home, but I had a "Quarterly Review" over the phone with my bosses to go over performance and discuss next quarter. Now I knew this wasn't going to go well - my performance last quarter was less-than-stellar, and most of my colleagues fell well short of projected goals as well. I thought I was ready for what would likely be a very difficult call. I wasn't.
Maybe it was the 4-hour drive I had just completed before the call, maybe it was because "that time of the month" had just made it's appearance, maybe it was the intense stress and pressure that my team members and I have been burdened with the past 3 months, or maybe it was conflict in my personal life... I don't know. But when the interrogation began, I turned into what can only be described as a stuttering, apologetic, nervous adolescent. I had planned to give good, solid explanations for my lack of performance and stick to my guns on my work ethic and strategies; instead I shut down.
About a half an hour into this mess of a discussion, one of my bosses asked me "Are you enjoying what you're doing?".
Uhhhhhhhhhhh....at the moment?
And that's when I lost it. And I'm not talking about a tear trickle with a sniffle and a crack in my voice. I'm talking about all-out choking, crocodile tears, can't-finish-a-word bawling. I completely lost it!
It's actually kind of nice to look back on with a little humor now - it was humiliating at the time! I felt like such a child, but now I see it more as a humorous scene from an episode of "The Office". Everyone has their quirks, right? My bosses actually handled it quite well, saying "Don't ever apologize for expressing your emotions; we are human, we have emotions" - a response I was not expecting. I managed to crack out something about personal problems and they suggested I take some time to work it out and we'll have a more productive conversation another time.
But I needed to blog about this because I'm so used to this workplace attitude: "leave your personal problems at home". And I think that's generally a good idea - keep work and personal life separate - but it seems to be almost impossible for me. And though I still harbor some anger towards their methods of attacking my work ethic and dedication, I was pleasantly surprised by their understanding of the fact that I simply needed some time to work through some things before we finished our conversation. Their conclusions didn't seem to be along the lines of "She's just too emotional" or "She really takes things too personally", they seemed to recognize that it was a one-time thing and they just happened to catch me right before the bomb exploded.
So what do you think? Have you ever cried at work, particularly from a rather harsh review from a superior? Do you think it's appropriate, and maybe even inevitable in some cases?
Just be nice if you disagree with me. Clearly, I'm rather sensitive. ;) But only if you criticize my work ethic. Or tell me you don't like me. Or say "Hi" the wrong way.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Empowering SAHM's
I had an interesting thought the other day. Ever since my daughter was born, I have been struggling with the SAHM/Working Mom decision. A little back story on where that road has taken me so far:
When my daughter was first born, we lived in Minnesota and I was teaching piano and music lessons part-time through my self-owned music studio. It was fun work, and I loved the latitude I had running my own business. I also enjoyed that it was part-time - I could spend a sufficient amount of time with my daughter and also have the opportunity to "get away" and put my brain waves and intuition to good use. It was a nice balance.
My husband having been the bread-winner at the time, a job opportunity in his field in Denver moved us back home. I then lived as a SAHM for 3-4 months. I almost lost my mind.
I have noticed since I've been married that there are folks that are very well suited to being SAHM's full-time, and others who are not. It has nothing to do with mental capacity, work ethic, or love for one's children, it's just preferences (if you're familiar with MBTI, I strongly suspect it has something to do with being either an 'N' or an 'S' - the 'N' being the one that does NOT do well staying at home). I have seen many, many women struggle to find meaning and purpose tending children full-time when their brains desire a different type of stimulation.
I eventually decided to simply dive in to the work world full-time, and it has treated me well for the past few years. However, I wonder if there is a way to have "the best of both worlds"; to spend time at home with your kids and work part-time or even full-time without putting in 40+ hours per week or checking in to an office every day.
I think we all have seen the meriad of ads online and elsewhere for "work at home, full-time pay for part-time work!!". It's BS, and honestly a little silly, in my opinion. But I think such a situation CAN be created if one is willing to invest in or put effort towards using time and talents for a business based off one's skills and abilities. I literally spend TONS of time thinking up new business ideas for myself that would allow me to work from home, or have the autonomy I so desperately need, or simply cut down my hours so I can spend more time with my daughter. The newest idea in my pool actually involves helping others do the same thing.
So that bring me to this question: If you are a SAHM, or know other SAHM's that struggle as I did, would you be willing to invest in a consultant that can do a thorough analysis on your skills, abilities, preferences, desires, passions, etc. and creatively brainstorm a new, unique business that would allow you to do what you love on your own timetable? I know it sounds almost similar to the annoying ads I referenced in the previous paragraph, but here's the caveat: it takes time to build a business, and I would never promise to bring all those promises to reality in a short time (particularly on the financial side). It would require building a strong business plan (which I've already done with my other business ideas and in my current position), and having the patience, confidence, and tenacity to move on it. And by patience, I mean 2-3 years to start seeing a measurable profit.
What do you think? And if you like this idea, when are you available to explore further? :)
When my daughter was first born, we lived in Minnesota and I was teaching piano and music lessons part-time through my self-owned music studio. It was fun work, and I loved the latitude I had running my own business. I also enjoyed that it was part-time - I could spend a sufficient amount of time with my daughter and also have the opportunity to "get away" and put my brain waves and intuition to good use. It was a nice balance.
My husband having been the bread-winner at the time, a job opportunity in his field in Denver moved us back home. I then lived as a SAHM for 3-4 months. I almost lost my mind.
I have noticed since I've been married that there are folks that are very well suited to being SAHM's full-time, and others who are not. It has nothing to do with mental capacity, work ethic, or love for one's children, it's just preferences (if you're familiar with MBTI, I strongly suspect it has something to do with being either an 'N' or an 'S' - the 'N' being the one that does NOT do well staying at home). I have seen many, many women struggle to find meaning and purpose tending children full-time when their brains desire a different type of stimulation.
I eventually decided to simply dive in to the work world full-time, and it has treated me well for the past few years. However, I wonder if there is a way to have "the best of both worlds"; to spend time at home with your kids and work part-time or even full-time without putting in 40+ hours per week or checking in to an office every day.
I think we all have seen the meriad of ads online and elsewhere for "work at home, full-time pay for part-time work!!". It's BS, and honestly a little silly, in my opinion. But I think such a situation CAN be created if one is willing to invest in or put effort towards using time and talents for a business based off one's skills and abilities. I literally spend TONS of time thinking up new business ideas for myself that would allow me to work from home, or have the autonomy I so desperately need, or simply cut down my hours so I can spend more time with my daughter. The newest idea in my pool actually involves helping others do the same thing.
So that bring me to this question: If you are a SAHM, or know other SAHM's that struggle as I did, would you be willing to invest in a consultant that can do a thorough analysis on your skills, abilities, preferences, desires, passions, etc. and creatively brainstorm a new, unique business that would allow you to do what you love on your own timetable? I know it sounds almost similar to the annoying ads I referenced in the previous paragraph, but here's the caveat: it takes time to build a business, and I would never promise to bring all those promises to reality in a short time (particularly on the financial side). It would require building a strong business plan (which I've already done with my other business ideas and in my current position), and having the patience, confidence, and tenacity to move on it. And by patience, I mean 2-3 years to start seeing a measurable profit.
What do you think? And if you like this idea, when are you available to explore further? :)
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