To Cry Or Not To Cry

I wish there hadn't been only one answer to this question...

I couldn't sleep tonight.  Not until I wrote this blog post.  I'm starting to think this writing thing might become an addiction... lol.

I had a very interesting experience this week which I'd like to gain some commentary and insight on.  It's based off this question: "Have you ever cried at work before?  If you have or haven't (or know someone who has), do you feel it's appropriate?"

I don't know if it's the country we live in, my upbringing, or just some voice in my head that is connected to an incident from my childhood, but I've always been under the impression that it is not ok to cry at work - unless you warn your boss who you're already close to that you're about to dump a personal problem on them.  Or unless someone is dead.  And you just found out two minutes ago.  And they were killed by your best friend. 

I hate crying.  I avoid it at all costs.  I see it as a sign of weakness, and more than disliking being weak, I dislike being seen as weak (even by myself).  I know, it's silly, but an important thing to know about me to understand my perspective on this issue.

As you may have guessed, I cried at work this week.  Actually, I work from home, but I had a "Quarterly Review" over the phone with my bosses to go over performance and discuss next quarter.  Now I knew this wasn't going to go well - my performance last quarter was less-than-stellar, and most of my colleagues fell well short of projected goals as well.  I thought I was ready for what would likely be a very difficult call.  I wasn't.

Maybe it was the 4-hour drive I had just completed before the call, maybe it was because "that time of the month" had just made it's appearance, maybe it was the intense stress and pressure that my team members and I have been burdened with the past 3 months, or maybe it was conflict in my personal life... I don't know.  But when the interrogation began, I turned into what can only be described as a stuttering, apologetic, nervous adolescent.  I had planned to give good, solid explanations for my lack of performance and stick to my guns on my work ethic and strategies; instead I shut down.

About a half an hour into this mess of a discussion, one of my bosses asked me "Are you enjoying what you're doing?".

Uhhhhhhhhhhh....at the moment?

And that's when I lost it.  And I'm not talking about a tear trickle with a sniffle and a crack in my voice.  I'm talking about all-out choking, crocodile tears, can't-finish-a-word bawling.  I completely lost it!

It's actually kind of nice to look back on with a little humor now - it was humiliating at the time!  I felt like such a child, but now I see it more as a humorous scene from an episode of "The Office".  Everyone has their quirks, right?  My bosses actually handled it quite well, saying "Don't ever apologize for expressing your emotions; we are human, we have emotions" - a response I was not expecting.  I managed to crack out something about personal problems and they suggested I take some time to work it out and we'll have a more productive conversation another time.

But I needed to blog about this because I'm so used to this workplace attitude: "leave your personal problems at home".  And I think that's generally a good idea - keep work and personal life separate - but it seems to be almost impossible for me.  And though I still harbor some anger towards their methods of attacking my work ethic and dedication, I was pleasantly surprised by their understanding of the fact that I simply needed some time to work through some things before we finished our conversation.  Their conclusions didn't seem to be along the lines of "She's just too emotional" or "She really takes things too personally", they seemed to recognize that it was a one-time thing and they just happened to catch me right before the bomb exploded.

So what do you think?  Have you ever cried at work, particularly from a rather harsh review from a superior?  Do you think it's appropriate, and maybe even inevitable in some cases?

Just be nice if you disagree with me.  Clearly, I'm rather sensitive. ;)  But only if you criticize my work ethic.  Or tell me you don't like me.  Or say "Hi" the wrong way.