Unsolicited Advice From Someone Who Hates Unsolicited Advice

Gah!!  I'm sorry, little blog, you have been neglected!  It wasn't on purpose, I swear - I have NOT been writing with another blog; you are the only one for me...

So, thanks to a rather insightful conversation with my Dad tonight, I have another topic to blog about!  This one means a lot to me because, like many others (including my Dad), I find myself always on the journey to self-improvement.  And I find that along the way, there are many people that like to "help" me with that self-improvement with unsolicited advice or commentary... we all know who these people are, everyone has one or two of them.  If your boss isn't one of them, you're in damn good shape!

In addition to the mostly-well-meaning-but-more-likely-experiencing-gross-dissatisfaction-in-their-daily-lives folks that add to that commentary, I'm also known to seek out my own self-improvement through books, movies, online google searches (hehe), and asking others for help and advice (please note the ASKING in that sentence.  Very important).

I've found that there is a common thread amongst self-improvement enthusiasts.  No matter what their overall theory or tactics to becoming a better "you", there are always two basic strategies to improve yourself:

1) Identify and maximize your strengths
2) Identify and minimize your weaknesses

So, take the positive and make it better, take the negative and get rid of it.  Here's the problem I have with those two strategies: nobody is perfect, so those weaknesses never go away.  Therefore, you're always stuck with some icky, horrible, undesirable part of you that you can't get rid of no matter what you do, and it will always irritate you.  Here's what I say to that:

FUCK WEAKNESSES

I don't believe in weaknesses.  I don't believe they exist.

There is some logic to this.  A very wise woman once told me that strengths and weaknesses are like a coin - they always go hand-in-hand.  If your weakness is that you are often overbearing (heads), the flip-side strength is that you are able to be assertive when the situation requires it (tails).  So if you try to be less overbearing, you will ultimately be less assertive as well.

So why do we even mess with this myth of "weaknesses"?

I have a better idea.  Let's change the two basic strategies to this:

1) Identify and maximize your strengths
2) Refine your strengths

Doesn't that seem much more manageable?  Rather than trying to separate the strengths and weaknesses coin, which is impossible and ineffective, let's forget weaknesses altogether and simply recognize that our strengths are strengths either way you toss the coin, they just need refining: capitalizing on the assertiveness when needed and knowing when to set that approach at bay for a few minutes.  Knowing when your boisterous sense of humor lights up a darker world for everyone around you, and knowing when to adjust it for a lighter atmosphere.

Now rather than a coin, you have a rock.  A rock that is your strength, and just needs a little chipping here, a little smoothing there to become a full and complete you.  And you can embrace all of you now because your focus is always on what makes you the best you, rather than taking on this incredible task of getting rid of weaknesses that will never go away, and if they did, would likely take your strengths with them.

I think everyone can agree that any "weakness" can be a strength in another situation, or a strength can be adjusted and channeled to fit almost any situation (maybe when we think being passive is the best approach, it's better to be quietly assertive).  So focus on that, and put yourself in careers, family situations, and social situations where you can operate almost entirely from within your strengths, and be wary of the moments when you need to "chip a little here, smooth a little there" to adjust to the situation at hand.

At the end of the day, we are who we are, and I think "minimizing" or "getting rid of" any part of us is going to also "minimize" who we are as individuals.  And we are all amazingly, incredibly, beautifully different.

Except for you.  And you.  And you and you.  You have weaknesses; things you really suck at.  So, uh, you know, maybe do something about that.

;)